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Ask Right and You May Receive

Whether in an intimate or another kind of a relationship, how
easily do you get what you ask for? And, how easily do you ask
for what you want or need?

Many people are frustrated in all sorts of relationships,
seemingly unable to get what they need or want. Sometimes not
getting what you want happens because you do not make a request.
Sometimes many requests later, you may still find yourself not
having what you want.

This happens in all types of relationships, including intimate
and dating relationships, family, friendships and work
relationships. Because this newsletter is about intimate
relationships, that is where the article will focus. However,
if you are having a problem getting what you want in any other
relationship, the information below will be useful as well.

There are tricks to getting what you ask for in any
relationship. And wonderfully, these tricks are the opposite of
manipulation. Here they are, the ten action to take to get what
you want, whenever possible.

1. It's ok to ask

This is the first and most important trick. Understand that
you have the right to ask for anything you need or want.
Whether it be an evening of help with childcare, help with the
chores, an investment in your personal growth, or a gift you
want, etc. Always, always ask for what you want from anyone you
want it from.

2. Be prepared to hear a "yes" or a "no"

One effective way to ask is to be prepared to hear either a
"yes" or a "no". This gives the person you are asking a true
choice. People like the freedom and power of being able to
truly choose. Ask this way and you are more likely to hear a

3. Never make a "no" wrong

If you get a "no" to your request, be gracious. Anything but a
gracious reaction will mean you were making a demand instead of
a request. Demands are never well responded to and are always
resisted. Make a "no" wrong and you are asking for more "no's".
Be gracious, and you will get a "yes" in the future.

4. Have an alternative strategy

You have the right to make a request and the person you are
making a request of has the right the say "no". This means,
like it or not, you need an alternative strategy. If someone
says "no", you can't somehow make him or her do or give you what
you want. But you can still make sure to get what you want.

5. Assume that it would be a "yes" if...

Assume the person or people who you are asking for something
have your best interests in mind. If you get a "no", assume the
reasons for your request are not clear. Assume that if your
reasons were known, your request would be granted. Make your
reasons known, gently.

6. Make the impact known

How would a "yes" or a "no" impact you? Does the person you
are asking know the impact of a "yes" or a "no"? Small things
can and do have a profound impact on us. So, get clear on the
impact a "yes" or a "no" will have on you. Share this
information with the person you are asking.

7. Honor his or her requests

If you want to hear "yes" and get what you want you know the
other person does as well. If you give what she or he wants,
consistently, you will get what you want more often too. The
key is to give and do what you are being asked for and not what
you think the other person wants.

8. Don't ever nag

Nagging is a way of making the same request over and over, in
order to wear the person down and force what you want. Nagging
may sometimes get you want you want in short term. But it
always backfires, because it crates intense anger in both the
nagged and the nagger. If you need to repeat a request more
than once, do so in the spirit of the ideas above.

9. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate

When you get a "yes", make a big deal out of it. Make the
other person feel good. He or she just made you feel good, so
return the favor. The more you appreciate the more the other
person will want to give to you and do for you. In fact, even
if you do not feel appreciative, act appreciative. After a
while, you will begin to feel appreciative.

10. Cure the "I shouldn't have to ask you to do this"

Ok, how much do you resent asking someone to do something they
should have known to do in the first place? Don't you get
angry having to ask for that sort of action at all? In such
cases, remember he or she is not intentionally offending you or
taking advantage of you. He or she is not you, but a different
person, with different standards and priories.
You do have to ask to get what you want. Just do it right.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries
in "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," a weekly e-zine for
people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the
newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If
you're in a relationship, you will learn to create more
closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to

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