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Advanced Boundary-Setting

Last week you found out what boundaries are and how to set them. To review, visit

Are you holding back from letting others know where you draw the line, from setting your personal boundaries? The following points may be just the inspiration you need to set your boundaries and start getting more good stuff out of your relationships.

=> Good, decent people set boundaries.
In fact, the more boundaries you set, the more you are being good to others and yourself. Establishing boundaries makes you a safe person. People know where they stand with you.

=> Generous people set boundaries.
If you do not have boundaries, you are essentially giving yourself away. With boundaries, you give only what you want, which means you can afford to be generous to more people over longer period of time.

=> To be effective, try to relate to others.
If you want people close to you to consistently respect your boundaries, try to understand why they are crossing them. If you can, make it easy to respect your boundaries by giving them what they need. For example, does your mother call you incessantly because she worries about you? What kind of information can you share with her to make her worry less?

=> Boundaries allow people around you to grow.
When you set boundaries, it makes others conscious of their behavior. This fosters their own growth. Your boundaries can actually improve other people's lives.

=> Boundaries help you get more of what you want, and less of what you don't.
Boundaries can be used not only to protect you from unwanted behavior, but also to foster behavior you desire and need. Figure out what you need from others to thrive, and then ask for what you want and accept nothing less.

=> Stick to your guns.
In order for boundaries to be a reality in your life and not just a nice concept, you must be aware and willing to act consistently. You must have a commitment to uphold what is right and true for you.

=> Practice makes perfect.
Learning how to set boundaries and how to have only what you want in your life takes time and practice. It will feel awkward at first. People may not like what you are saying. But keep practicing and communicating. You will get better, more skilled, and more graceful.

=> Enjoy the benefits of boundary-setting:
·Freedom from fear and pain
·Increased self-esteem and self-respect
·More respect of and from others
·Contribution to the well-being of others' lives
·Finally have a life that you love

Go out and practice. Your life and relationships will blossom from it!

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," a weekly e-zine for people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a relationship, you will learn to create more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to

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