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Pulling Yourself into a Great Relationship

There are times in our lives when we feel our goals and desires pulling us forward. Other times we feel as though we are pushing to reach our goals.

To be pulled forward by a goal makes it more likely that you will achieve it. When you are pulled forward, serendipity happens, doors open, things seem easier. It becomes more possible to achieve the things you want.

A goal pulls you forward when achieving it does not create an internal conflict of interest. A goal pulls you forward when it snugly fits who you are and what you want. A goal pulls you forward when realizing it seems likely.

If your goal, your desire, does not meet at least once of the above criteria, you will find yourself pushing toward your goal rather than being pulled by it. Pushing toward a goal may still make it happen. But you will be struggling, losing faith, getting disappointed and hopeful intermittently, and expending a lot of energy in the process. You may walk away in frustration before you achieve what you want.

Needless to say, it is better, easier, to be pulled forward by your goal, your desire.

So, are you being pulled toward or are you pushing for your goal of attracting your ideal mate and creating your ideal relationship?

Many singles and people in relationships are pushing for a relationship. While some do attract and create good relationships this way, the majority continues struggling and getting disappointed. Those who give up the struggle and allow themselves to be pulled attract mates more quickly and easily.

How do you allow your desire for a healthy relationship and a wonderful mate pull you forward? Follow the three steps below.

1. Resolve the internal conflict of interest

Say to yourself, out loud, "I want to be in a wonderful relationship," or something similar about your goal. As you say this to yourself, notice how you feel. Pay attention to any words or phrases that immediately come to mind. You might hear yourself saying there are no potential partners out there; I will get hurt; I am afraid; no one will love me. You may also feel a tightening in your gut, or some fear.

Write down the negative comments and the emotions. Find resourceful ways to disprove them. Understand that you cannot attract a loving partner if you think such a partner does not exist. Dig into your emotions about getting what you want and look at what is behind them. What makes you afraid, sad, etc?

Get to a point where you can say what you want, out loud, and all you feel is joy and excitement about the possibilities of it.

2. Make sure the kind of partner and relationship you are reaching for fits who you are

What kind of relationship do you want? What's most important to you? What kind of a partner will fit you? You need to be clear on the character traits you are seeking so you can recognize the person when you see him or her. Otherwise you will be choosing partners by chemistry alone, which seldom if ever works out.

3. It is likely you will get the love you want

Can you believe it is likely you will have the love you want? If you can't, then you probably won't find that love. We don't usually try to achieve things we think are unlikely. If believe it's impossible, you will not take the necessary steps to make it possible.

This one is a major shift -- from resignation or searching, to having the faith and the patience to do and learn the necessary things to attract the love of your life.

Set your mind to having your relationship goals pull you forward, and you are certain to realize your dream relationship. If you need help with any of these steps, you know I am here for you.

Your Relationship Coach

Rinatta Paries

This article was originally published by Coach Rinatta Paries in "The Relationship Coach Newsletter," a weekly e-zine for people who want fulfilling relationships. For singles, the newsletter will help you attract your Mr. or Ms. Right. If you're in a relationship, you will learn to create more closeness and intimacy with your mate. To subscribe, go to

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