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Date-o-Drama: The Best (and Worst) of 2003

By Lisa Daily

Well kids, 2004 is finally here, and so many of love's mysteries have not been solved. Will J-Lo and Ben ever tie the knot? Will the Average Joe ever get the girl? Can wearing a perfume designed to make you smell like baked goods really attract the opposite sex? In the spirit of 2003's unsolved dating mysteries, I've pulled together some of the best and worst letters I received in 2003 to help you start 2004 on the right foot. Sure, some dating mysteries may never be solved, but in the meantime, have a little fun, kiss a few cuties and enjoy whatever the new year brings.

Dear Lisa,

You write a lot about sex in your column. In my opinion it should be a lady's wedding present to her husband (and not opened early.)

Traditional Guy

Dear Traditional,

I noticed you didn't mention any gift the woman would be opening on her wedding night. Are you saving yourself as well? Or is this a chicks-only type of deal? Maybe in exchange for choosing what's behind door number three with her sex life she receives some other "wedding present." Like a cow, three chickens and a bolt of gingham.

Here's what I think: if you want to wait until you get married, great. If you can find a girl who wants to wait; lucky, lucky, lucky you.



Dear Lisa,

I have been seeing a guy for about six months now. Shortly after we first met, he asked me to go to Miami with him to go to a modeling competition that he was in. Once we got to Miami, I found out that he didn't have any money, so I ended up paying for everything. This guy is really a nice guy, but lately there has been a lot of inconsistency in our relationship. Whenever we go out, I always have to pay because he claims that he does not have any money.

For about the past month he has been going out of town every single weekend and when he goes, for whatever reason I don't hear from him. When I finally talk to him he tells me that his cell phone was not working or he left it home along with his pager. One weekend, I actually caught him coming out of his house with a girl. When he saw me pull up, he ran in the house and had his cousin tell me he wasn't in there. I am still talking to him, but I really don't know what to do about him anymore because know I think he feels like he can do anything that he wants to me and its suppose to be okay.

It seems like I show all the feelings and he doesn't. How can I change the relationship around and have him chasing after me?

Chasing Him

Dear Chasing,

Wow, this guy sure does do a lot of traveling for somebody who is always broke.

You'd better sit down for this one, because I'm going to give it to you straight up: Your guy is sleeping with other girls. And he's playing you.

The reason he feels like he can do anything and it is okay is because you are allowing him to treat you that way by putting up with it. The reason you never hear from him when he's out of town is because he's with another girl. Really. Nobody's cell phone just goes dead on the weekends. You say that you are the one showing all the feelings, but that isn't really true, is it? He's showing you his feelings on a daily basis: he doesn't care about you and doesn't respect you.

You are a woman, not a doormat. Dump him; you deserve much, much better. This guy doesn't just chase girls, he chases fire trucks.



Dear Lisa,

I just screwed things up with my current guy of three months. I freaked out, and now I know (after buying your book.) You see, he hadn't called in four days (which was unusual for him), so I gave him a call on the fifth day. No answer. All I said was "how are you doing? I haven't talked to you in a while. Give me a call when you get home."

So, I don't call him Wednesday. But then I call him Thursday, panicked, about "what's going on?" He never calls back. And now I am ANGRY. He has my house key and I want that back. He KNOWS I'm angry (well, I assume he knows since I'm leaving angry messages on his voicemail.) I call him ONE LAST TIME on Friday saying I didn't appreciate being ignored.

He hasn't called since. It's Tuesday (12 days after the last call I last received from him). Now, I've accepted the fact that he may never call again. But if he does, what should I do?

If he's calling, does that mean he is giving me a second chance?

Phone -atic

Dear Phone-atic

Girl, Girl, Girl! - What am I going to do with you?

Okay first things first, for Pete's sake, stop calling the guy! He doesn't call you for four days and you completely lose your mind? Then, you leave a series of pissed-off, wacky-girl messages on his machine and you're shocked to find this doesn't inspire him to return your calls?

Get a grip, darlin', and make sure it's not on the telephone. Here's a little secret about men. Sometimes, they need some space. If you let them do their thing, they generally come right back. On the other hand, if you chase them with a rope and a pitchfork, most of the time they'll go running (and screaming) in the other direction.

Most new relationships will not survive a psychotic episode (even if it's only temporary psychosis.) I'd chalk this one up to experience if I were you (don't beat yourself up about it--every girl on the planet has done at least one insane thing,) and maybe give a little thought to why a four-day telephone lapse might send you into a tailspin.



Dear Lisa,

I loved your book! I met a really nice guy a few months ago; we had sex on the second and third date, then he made himself scarce - only calling occasionally. Recently he has been calling a lot - and came to my town to see me recently with his sisters who were visiting from out of town.

Now he is calling again and wants to get together. Any suggestions of what I can say if he pressures me to go to bed again?

Many, many thanks,
Putting on the Brakes

Dear Brakes,

I'm so delighted you loved my book.

Which is why I want you to go back and READ CHAPTER 9. You may remember it -- it's the one that tells you not to sleep with a guy on the second or third date.

Okay, so now we're all in agreement that the 2nd date is too fast to get naked.

Here's what to do to keep yourself from falling back in to bed with this guy.

First, wear your ugliest, laundry-day underwear on your date, and skip shaving both your legs and underarms. (Yes, I know it's a bit drastic, darling, but desperate times call for desperate measures.) You'll need that nasty reminder to keep your passion in check. Second, don't go back to your place. Don't invite him to stay. Don't let him in the front door. Be ready to go when he picks you up for the evening, and give him a quick kiss on the cheek at the end of the night before you dash out of the car and back to your apartment alone. Last, if he brings up the subject of sex, just tell him it's all just a little too fast for you. If he's interested in getting to know you, and not just a stopover for sex, he'll cool it until you're ready.



� 2003 by Lisa Daily. All rights reserved.

Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly in love
with you and marry "The One" in 3 years or less. At bookstores everywhere.
As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, The Other Half and The Washington Post
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