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Thriving on Valentines Day

The commercialism associated with Valentine's Day can wreak havoc on singles and couples alike. For couples, Valentine's Day can be full of unrealistic, unnecessary expectations and disappointment. And singles often see the holiday as an unpleasant reminder of their relationship status and the sadness and disappointment of being alone.

Below are my suggestions to help you thrive this Valentine's Day, whether you are single, in a relationship going well or are even in a relationship going poorly.

How to Thrive on Valentine's Day When You're in a Relationship

People in relationships often feel pressured and anxious about giving just the right gift. Valentine's Day expectations can run high in a relationship. If the gift isn't just right, the
receiver may feel unloved and the giver may wind up "in the doghouse."

How fun will your Valentine's Day be if you are disappointed with your partner and his or her gift? How special will the day be for the two of you if your partner spends the whole time feeling badly?

If you are in a relationship and you want to bring closeness, joy, and intimacy to your Valentine's Day, I suggest an adjustment in expectations and attitude, such as below.

If Your Relationship is Going Well:
If your relationship is going well, does it really matter what happens on Valentine's Day? Maybe something sweet, fun, and loving is enough?

Does it matter if you go out for a romantic dinner or if you have a candlelight dinner at home? As long as you do something for each other, consider your Valentine's Day to be a success.

On the other hand, if you really want something special, give strong hints to your partner and let him or her know how much you REALLY want that certain something. This way you set him or
her up to win by giving you what you want. Don't secretly hope for something and expect to get it unless you are sure your partner knows you are secretly hoping for it.

Mostly, make sure it's a day or evening the two of you spend enjoying each other.

If Your Relationship is Going Poorly:
If your relationship is not going well, Valentine's Day is probably not going to save it, no matter how special you try to make the day. In fact, if your relationship is in trouble, high expectations may be the last nail in the coffin of your relationship.

In this case, it is even more important to communicate clearly what you want and what you expect. The more discord in a relationship, the less likely your partner will be tuned into you and know what you want.

The key here is to stop having expectations that Valentine's Day will turn your relationship around, and instead see it as an opportunity to express to your partner how much YOU care.

Do offer even a small gesture of your love and caring to let the person know all is not lost -- if in fact all is not lost.

How to Thrive on Valentine's Day When You're Single

Instead of spending the day being sad about not having a relationship or ignoring the day completely, do something powerful for your relationship future.

I have to warn you that the exercise I am about to detail here will sound silly, pointless, and hard to execute. However, it is truly worth the effort.

But before I explain the exercise, let me tell you why it will be worth the effort. This exercise will allow you to experience true, healthy love. If your history is strewn with broken relationships, you have seldom, if ever, experienced true, healthy love. Experiencing it will give you the ability to
recognize someone capable of it, and will give you the power to attract it.


Go to Hallmark or another card store today or tomorrow and buy a few very nice cards -- the kind you would love to get from an intimate partner. Go home, take out the cards and a nice pen, and start writing Valentine's messages to yourself. The key is to write as if a wonderful, caring, generous relationship partner is writing to you. Although you don't have such a partner right now, I'm sure you know just what you'd like to hear. Write exactly that. Write what you most want to hear from someone who loves you. Go overboard with compliments and praise
and words of love. Seal the cards and put your name on the envelope. Maybe even draw something on the envelope. Put the cards in different places around the house to be found and
opened on Valentine's Day.

When you open the cards on Valentine's Day, do not discount what you've written to yourself. It may not be from a current lover; however, it is from someone who loves you -- YOU. The more you allow yourself to feel love, even self-love, the more likely you are to attract true love into your life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta
Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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