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Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 2

The first step toward being able to attract and create your
ideal relationship is to clear the way for it by eliminating
baggage from your past.

This baggage refers to any resentments, hurts, or fears you
have toward anyone who either was a role model or who
participated directly in a relationship with you.

Lots of people carry such baggage for a long time, some even
for a lifetime. The sooner you can truly let go of this baggage,
the less likely you are to recreate bad situations in current and
future relationships.

Dropping this baggage is what I call "getting complete."

How do you get complete? Completion is not a sense or an
emotion or even a state of being, but a process. This means there
are steps and practical actions that will get you to completion.
What stands between you and having a great relationship is
acting on these steps.

At the most basic level, completion is an exercise in
communication. Imagine you could finally say everything you
needed to say to everyone you needed to say it to, no holds
barred. Wouldn't that give you a great sense of relief and
freedom? In essence, getting complete is getting to communicate
everything to everyone, without spending your life looking for
everyone from your past or having to deal with less-than-
receptive people.

Once you are complete with a situation, the next time you face
a similar situation you will be free to choose your actions
rather than being run by fear, pain, anger, etc. You may flash
back to the old situation, but you will not react based on it.
You will no longer have anything but a minute negative emotional
response when looking back on hurtful situations. For the
majority of the time, you will feel genuine forgiveness toward
others and yourself.

The first thing you need to do to get complete is to feel all
of your feelings, no matter how unpleasant they may be. How do
you feel about your past relationships? Have you swept your
feelings under the rug? Are you still secretly pining for
someone? What are you afraid of in regards to relationships? Who
are you still angry with?

In order to allow yourself to feel, you have to know that
feelings, unless they are of the clinical depression or the
criminal rage kind, will not kill or hurt you. Most people have
either not had the permission or never slowed down enough to
feel their feelings. You must give yourself both the time and
the permission if any completion is to take place. As long as
you don't let yourself feel, you will recreate exactly what you
had in the past. If you want something different -- a fulfilling
relationship -- you can't afford to recreate the past.

Right now, check in with your feelings and make a list of all
the people and situations you need to complete. We will come
back to this list.

The second thing you need to do to get complete is to take
action. Look for a list of ten action steps in next week's

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your
ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach
Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice
and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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