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Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1

When you were little, you looked up to your parents. You
imitated their mannerisms, words, and actions as you learned
about life by watching them. This applies to relationships as
well - you leaned about relationships by watching them.

Not all you learned about relationships came from your parents;
your learning has continued throughout your life. But what you
saw your parents do in relationships, how you interpreted what
you saw, and how you felt about it, is the foundation of your
adult relationships.

That's not to say that your parents were wrong or bad parents,
or even that they had a bad relationship. The only thing that
can be said is if intimate relationships are problematic for
you, the source is inevitably your foundational learning.

If a great relationship, a great partner, is what you are
after, you must see, understand, and deconstruct your
foundational learning about relationships. To take apart a
foundation of something is a delicate thing. Imagine trying to
remove or change the foundation of a house while leaving the
rest of the house standing intact. Not an easy task. But in
order to have a great relationship, you need to reconstruct your
foundational learning while leaving you intact.

To begin, you must get complete with your parents. If you still
have negative feelings about what they did to you or each other,
you will create situations in your intimate relationships where
you will confront these same negative feelings. To see an
illustration of this in you own life, take the PatternTrackerTM
Quiz at

To be complete with your parents means to be both free of
negative feelings and to feel compassion toward them. Can you
say both are true for you?

If you can, congratulations. You are a member of a very small
minority. If you are not free of negative feeling toward your
parents or/and if you do not feel compassion for them, you have
some completion work to do. That is if you want a long-term,
healthy, thriving relationship.

The question is, how do you get complete?

The first thing to know about completion is that it is not just
a feeling that will one day appear. There are steps that can be
taken to generate a feeling of completion. What stands between
you and having a great relationship is taking these steps. Watch
for these steps in my newsletter over the next few weeks.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your
ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach
Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice
and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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