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Ten Steps to Attract Your Ideal Relationship, Part 1

Everyone has an idea of their perfect relationship, their ideal
relationship. And what we all want from this ideal relationship
is lots of love and true connection. Below are the first five of
ten steps to get you to that kind of relationship.

As you read over the steps, keep in mind that everyone who has
created a successful, loving relationship has taken these steps.
For some people these steps are intuitive, taken automatically.
For most of us they need to be deliberately taken.

1. Let Go of the Past
The first step toward attracting and creating your ideal
relationship is to clear the way for it by dropping the baggage
from your past. Baggage refers to resentments, hurts, and fears.

Some people carry their hurts, resentments, and fears as badges
of honor, or learn from them as if they were undisputable life
lessons. They are neither. They are byproducts of unfortunate
situations. The sooner you can truly let go of this baggage, the
less likely you are to recreate bad situations.

2. Discover Old Relationship Patterns
Before you can attract and create your ideal relationship, you
need to take inventory of how you behave in relationships. Why?
If your past relationships have not worked out, you are at least
fifty percent responsible. If you don't clearly see what you did
to end those relationships, you are powerless to experience
anything else.

Look at all aspects of your relationship behavior, from what
you do when you first meet someone to what you do in a long-term
relationship. Also want to take inventory of what you believe
about relationships and the opposite sex.

3. Discover and Celebrate Needs
To have a successful relationship, you need to recognize, honor
and fulfill your own needs. There is a direct correlation
between the quality of your relationships and your ability to
recognize and meet your needs.

What's more, your needs are THE criteria for choosing a
partner. Be sure to choose a partner who will satisfy your long-
term (not your short-term) needs. Choosing a partner to meet
short-term needs guarantees the relationship will not last.

Example of a long-term need: a life partner who has a
compatible view on life.

Example of a short-term need: someone to help you feel less
lonely right now.

4. Establish Strong Boundaries
The fourth step toward attracting and creating your ideal
relationship is developing and honoring your boundaries or
limits. To know and honor your limits builds your self-esteem
while earning the respect of others.

Why do you need to have boundaries in a loving relationship?
Event the best of partners will inevitably do some things that
will not be ok with you. If you say nothing, your partner will
not know or pay attention to how his or her actions negatively
affect you. That will be the start of a good relationship gone

Boundaries also greatly enhance your ability to select the
right partner. The wrong partner will cross your boundaries
fairly early into the relationship. If you are aware, the wrong
partner can be quickly recognized.

5. Define Your Ideal Relationship
Another important step is to define your ideal relationship and
partner. This is the one step that everyone seems to know about;
however, the popular version of this exercise will only serve to
keep you out of a relationship and lonely, as it will have you
create a fantasy.

To define your true ideal relationship and partner, ask
yourself not what you want but what you need. What can you not
live without in a relationship? What do you need to thrive? What
do you need from a partner day to day?

To purge fantasy from your definition, ask yourself what you
want from another that you are not willing to do or be yourself.

Tune in next week for the final five steps to attract your
ideal relationship.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your
ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach
Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice
and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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