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Feel Your Grief

I recently asked a friend of mine who has been single for
several years if she was complete with her past relationships.
It's been my experience that one cannot move forward into
healthy new relationships until they are complete with their
past. My friend said she had no feelings left about her old

After a little prodding, she admitted she had managed to get
over her divorce by getting into a relationship quickly after
her marriage ended. "I was amazed at how easily I could forget
my husband," she said. Her relationship with her new boyfriend
lasted only a few months, and yet she says she still has
feelings for him.

Is my friend ready for another new relationship? Perhaps if she
wants her next relationship to closely resemble her previous
two. But not if she wants something different.

The only way to forget a former relationship as soon as you
enter a new one is by avoiding your feelings of grief over the
breakup. You would instead look for the new relationship to fill
you up.

The only way to do this is to hold your needs, wants, and
desires trapped in your heart, unfelt, unmet, and waiting for
the next partner. Although most singles think this is what they
are supposed to do, it is not.

How do you feel about your past relationships? Have you swept
your feelings under the rug? Are you still secretly pining for

If so, remember that as long as you don't allow yourself to
feel the affects of a breakup, you will recreate exactly what
you had in the past. If you want something different-- a
fulfilling relationship -- you have to allow yourself to feel.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your
ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach
Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice
and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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