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Relationship-Making

Do you know how to establish a new relationship to guarantee
that it will meet all of your and your partner's relationship
needs?

Most people don't know how to do this. As a result, most
relationships go through a predictable cycle:

=> Honeymoon: 1 week to 3 months
=> Struggle: Up to 3 years or more
=> Negotiation and peace or breakup

To avoid this cycle and establish a nourishing relationship for
both of you, you and your partner need to have a deep, extended
conversation. It may span many discussions, perhaps over weeks
or even a month. The right time to initiate this conversation is
when it's clear to both of you there is mutual interest and both
of you are ready to go further. However, it is never too late to
have this conversation, even if you have been together for years.

Cover the following topics in this conversation:

* What you expect from each other, or from a "relationship
partner," on the emotional, mental and everyday levels.

* What actions, words and feelings each of you needs from the
other, or from a "relationship partner," in order for both of
you to thrive.

* What you and your partner refuse to tolerate in a
relationship and from a "relationship partner."

While having this conversation, it is important that you both
listen to each other intently, frequently paraphrasing what the
other person is saying.

You want to make sure there is mutual understanding. You both
will want to reflect on what is being said by sharing your
thoughts and feelings. However, under no circumstances do you
want to react to each other or make each other wrong for what is
being said. Remember that each of you has a right to your own
view of what is needed and desired in a relationship.

If in the end you both decide you have enough in common to
pursue the relationship further, you will need to negotiate how
the relationship is actually conducted. You will need to agree,
disagree or negotiate to uphold the verbalized parameters in
your relationship.

I know this probably sounds very unromantic, almost artificial.
But believe me, this is how the best relationships are created.

The two of you are much better off entering a relationship with
your eyes open, knowing what is expected of you, what you can
expect in return, what you can count on from your relationship.

This extended conversation allows for the absence of power
struggle. It fosters harmony and ease of being together. It will
give the two of you the rare opportunity to establish deep
intimacy.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries
www.WhatItTakes.com

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2002. Do you know how to attract your
ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship,
or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach
Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to
attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit
www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice
and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"


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