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Taking Action

"Right" action defined:
Taking the right action is what feels right according to your own heart and intuition-not anyone else's standards. To distinguish the right action from a "should," use the following rule of thumb: a should may feel dull, certainly unexciting. The right action, according to your heart, always feels freeing and energizing.

Have you ever really wanted something, identified what to do in order to get it, and yet never took the necessary action? This happens to all of us occasionally-whether trying to lose weight, better manage finances, improve relationships, etc.

When it comes to taking action, people are often held back from progress by a number of myths. Take a look at the following six myths to see if any are barriers to your progress, and learn how you can get past them to move forward in your life.

Myth 1: Simply thinking about the right action will magically create change

Some people get stuck in the thinking stage and mistake it for action. It is a fallacy that keeping the thoughts alive will automatically accomplish the goal. Discover the right action and take it.

Example: Mary spends a lot of time thinking and trying to figure out all aspects of her troubled relationship. She is still thinking, and still in a troubled relationship.

On the contrary, Susan enrolled in a seminar to learn communication skills and applies them on an ongoing basis. Her relationship has greatly improved as a result.

Myth 2: Discussing a problem will be enough to create the solution

While it's true that discussing a problem is an important step in discovering the right action, it is not a substitute for action. You must take action in order to create change.

Example: John spends a lot of time complaining to everyone about his troubled relationship. He loves getting everyone's opinion. Some ideas sound good, but he has not taken any action to change his situation.

Peter, on the other hand, hired a coach to find out how to improve his relationship. He has worked out an action plan for his relationship and personal growth. He is consistently taking action steps in both areas and getting great results.

Myth 3: Knowing the right action is enough to get the result

Knowing what you should do is great. But it is only one of the steps. Take action to get results.

Example: Rebecca is very knowledgeable about relationships and personal growth. Unfortunately, she does not apply the information she knows and her relationships do not last. She is reading more books, hoping that change will happen soon.

Lori was having trouble in her marriage. She read books, contacted a coach and a therapist. She got herself and her husband involved in couples' work. They apply what they have learned consistently. Their marriage has greatly improved.

Myth 4: Personal and relationship growth takes a lot of time

It is true that personal work and growth take time. But it does not take a huge amount of time. Right action, such as communicating, journaling, and writing letters, could take as little as 15 to 30 minutes a day. Find the right action and take it.

Example: Betty realizes that if she were to write her feelings in a journal, she would be able to express the anger she feels toward her ex lover. But she thinks it would take a lot of time that she doesn't have.

Jennifer takes 30 minutes each day to journal. In the past three months she has written letters to her ex-boyfriends. She does not intend to send them, but they help her to feel complete. She feels lighter and much less angry.

Myth 5: There is a magic cure

Sometimes we resist doing what it takes to get where we want to go. We look for the magic formula, or the magic person to make it all better. It would be less painful to take the action in front of us, no matter how difficult it seems.

Example: Jim goes from one workshop to another in search of the key to his relationship woes. He reads lots of books on relationships. He does not apply much of what he reads and spends his time at the workshops telling people how much he already knows. He is still unhappy.

Don, having done some work with a therapist and then a coach, finally realized he would have to trust a woman in a relationship if he is to have the family he dreams of. He has faced his fears about trusting a woman and is now happily married.

Myth 6: Doing the right action on occasion is enough

If you only take right action occasionally you will reap slight or no benefits. Only when you consistently take the right action will you get to the results you want.

Example: Andrew knows by focusing on his partner at least once a day for a few minutes his relationship becomes much more satisfactory. Often, he just doesn't feel like it. Sometimes his relationship is great. Sometimes it is a struggle.

Alex has agreed with his partner to give her some undivided attention every day. When he does, she feels loved and is supportive and loving toward him. He has done it consistently 95% of the time. His partner now deals well with the few times he can't focus on her. The overall quality of the relationship has greatly improved.

Do what you know must be done to create the life and relationships you want now!

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries, 1998-2001. This article was originally published by Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries in the Relationship Coach Newsletter, one of many relationship resources you can find at Other resources include relationship advice, quizzes, coaching and classes. Visit and learn to become a True Love Magnet(tm)!

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