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Red Flags Now, Problems Later

You know what a red flag is, right? That's a trait or a behavior in a person you are newly dating that indicates that not all is right with his/her ability to have a happy, long-lasting relationship with you.

Many singles ignore red flags in hopes that the problems and issues, whatever they are, will go away once the relationship grows and the two people fall in love.

This is partially correct. Issues and red flags do get better in the initial stages of a relationship. People take better care of themselves and their lives. They clean their house where there was once a mess. They use deodorant where once there was none. They get a job or pay the bills on time or get happier and more productive.

And yet, even if a red flag issue or behavior disappears for a time, it is bound to reappear at some point down the road, deep into the relationship and the stress of life. If it's a red flag for you now, imagine how it will feel when you wake up one day, long into a relationship, and have this same issue or problem rear its ugly head.

Ok, so is the answer to only date perfect people who don't have any "red flag issues"? No, because there are no perfect people and everyone has issues.

The question is, if all of the red flags remained unchanged, exactly as they are now, would you choose this person? If the person remained a slob, or was not generous, or did not give you enough attention, or didn't work, or had intimacy problems, would you choose this person?

Choosing a relationship partner is choosing a companion, and hopefully a good one, with whom you will share love and life. But it is also choosing which red flag quirks and issues you are willing to live with.

If you choose a person but don't choose or accept his quirks and issues, you will have a major problem down the road. The seemingly minor quirk or issue will eventually drive a wedge between the two of you that may end your relationship.

If the love of your life can't keep a job, or has trouble staying close emotionally, or mismanages money, or can't keep promises, or isn't interested in physical intimacy, or is a slob, or etc, etc, can you live with it? Be honest in your answer, because small issues have the potential of destroying a relationship down the road.

What's a single person to do? Discover the quirks and issues in the person you are dating, and then decide whether you can live with what you see.

This is not always easy to do when first dating someone. In fact, most people find it impossible to discern a whole lot about a person they are dating, save for the fact that they either like or dislike the person.

You will want to learn to read people like a pro because, again, if you get involved with someone and overlook the red flags, your relationship will be plagued with problems down the road.

Dealing with red flags in the beginning of the relationship and making a decision about them really reduces problems later in your relationship, so get to know your dating partner’s red flags as soon as possible.

This is where my Whom Are You Dating eCourse comes to your rescue – this is what it was created for. It will teach you to read people like a pro. You will learn how to truly see whom you are dating and find out if this person is compatible with and right for you. You will figure out which red flags you can live with and which ones are an absolute deal breaker.

Note for people already in a relationship: If you are dating someone whom you want to keep and he or she does have issues or quirks you know you can't live with, you do have one other option to salvage the relationship. You can ask the person to change. To learn how to ask for change effectively is not an easy task, but I can teach you how. Drop me a note, and we can talk about how I can help.


(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"


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