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Reader Love Question & Answer for Singles

Dear Rinatta,

I am 39 and worried I will never have a life time companion. I
have had 2-3 year relationships but never have been married and I
am fearful it's because I am expecting too much or too set in my
ways.

I am always taking classes, confronting my fears and feel more
confident and good about who I am than ever. But one of the
things I want, a solid relationship, just doesn't seem to happen
no matter what I do. Speed dating, internet dating, meeting
friends of friends, dating people I work with, rekindling old
relationships, singles events. I have dated so many men and
tried so many ways to meet the one that is right for me but
nothing seems to stick. Help! ~ Andrea

A. Dear Andrea,
You can have a lifetime companion, you can have long lasting
love,I promise. But, first you need to figure out why you haven't
had it yet. Although you may think this answer is external -
perhaps you are expecting too much, or are to set in your ways,
or perhaps you haven't tried the right way to meet people - in
reality the answer is internal.

Typically, people who are single but very much want to find a
life companion are tripped up by three internal mechanisms.

First, at some point in early life you probably made a decision
about how your relationships are going to turn out. This could
have been a five second internal conversation you had with
yourself as a child. But, this short internal conversation is
likely influencing who you choose to date and how you behave in
your relationships.

Secondly, most people who are single while wishing to be
otherwise, are constantly bombarded with internal negative
messages - in their head - about relationships and love. This
is very much like listening to a motivational tape, except it's
always on and is negative instead of positive. What's worst, you
will think the messages from the tape are your own opinions and
feelings and act on them. This again negatively influences who
you choose to date and how you behave in relationships.

Finally something happens in your relationships that makes them
dissolve at 2-3 year mark. This is not atypical, as most people
do
not know that every relationship will go through predictable
stages, some of which can seem very hard. When the going gets
hard most couples give up, not knowing that over the hill is more
love and intimacy.

What's the solution? How do you attract a partner for lasting
love and then keep him?

Figure out the decision you made early in your life about how

relationships were going to be for you and change it. Start
listening for ongoing messages in your head about love and
relationships, start distinguishing these as not your thoughts
and feelings. Figure out what you need in a relationship and how
to see if the person is right for you before you get involved.
Work on going slowly and establishing a solid relationship with
great communication from the start. Figure out what you alway
do in a relationship to make it fall apart and stop doing it.

A tall order, but not impossible and certainly worth if for
life-long love! You can do this! ~ Love Coach Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"


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