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Holiday Help

How are holidays going to be for you this year?

Will you end up stressed, tired, and overextended, emotionally
and financially? Or will you end the holidays and start the
New Year joyful, rested, relaxed, fulfilled, and happy? Will you
spend the holidays bemoaning the fact that you are single or that
your relationship is not working or that you wish it was better,
or will you use the holidays to improve your relationship

Here is my advice for a sweet, calm, nourishing holiday season,
for both singles and people in relationships.

* It's not going to be perfect

I've known people who can pull off the perfect holiday season
and enjoy every minute of it. They give just the right gifts,
always wrapped with precision. They throw just the right holiday
dinners and cocktail parties, always looking just right. They
mingle and celebrate and still have plenty of energy left for
everything else in their lives.

If you are like this and are able to do all or any of the above
happily, without causing you or your loved ones stress,

I think most of us who try to live up to this image of
perfection either fail or end up miserable and stressed. If you
want to feel differently this holiday season, create a different
experience, act differently. Stop trying to make it perfect.

* Reduce gift-giving

Reduce or eliminate your gift-giving list, and even your card-
sending list. Depending on how much simplification your life
needs right now, perhaps simply calling people is enough of a
holiday greeting. If you are going to give gifts, choose simple,
meaningful, and thoughtful gifts: one great book, one
thoughtfully selected scarf, or one special toy. It will be

* Simplify your entertaining list.

Host intimate pot luck at your place or celebrate in a
restaurant. Even Christmas dinner can be done at a restaurant-
and it doesn't have to be ham and/or turkey, unless that's what
you want.

* Be selective about participating.

If you are invited to countless events this season, be
selective about which ones you choose to attend. It's even ok to
cancel or only go for a short time. Do this even if you feel a
little sad about missing a get together. Eliminate stress in any
way possible so that you have energy, time, and room to enjoy
this time of the year.

* Take time

It's winter for many of us. It's cold. Even if you're in a
warmer climate, the evenings have a chill to them. If you listen
to your body, you may feel the need to draw in, to take time, to
rest, to expand less energy. This is one reason a busy holiday
season can be so very stressful - it goes against what the body
and spirit naturally wants this time of year. Many of us crave
warmth and rest. So rest and take time, warm your body and soul,
whatever that may mean for you.

* Make peace with what you have

It may be difficult at times to be happy if you are left
wanting and you see others have what you wish for. It may be
difficult to watch couples in love if your relationship is not
working well, or if you are single and don't want to be. It may
be difficult to see others spend money if you have none or are

Yet making peace with how things are right now is one step
toward having what you want in the future. Making peace with
unfulfilled desires is not the same as giving up on your dream
or surrendering to never having it fulfilled. It is a way of
having peace now-one of the greatest gifts you can give
yourself. Peace is acceptance, a fundamental way of embracing
reality as it is right now. Peace frees you up to take action to
cause different results in the future - and create what you want.

* Cultivate gratitude

Our circumstances often cannot be changed quickly enough to
satisfy us. Yet, our attitude can be changed almost
instantaneously, and the attitude change helps to change our
circumstances over time. This holiday season, work on gratitude
for what you have-in relationships, in love, in material
possessions, in family, in community, in things that nourish and
sustain you. This gratitude will support you in attracting more
of what you want.

* Be with people who love you

For those of us in relationships and with families, the advice
is simple. If things are going well, nourish your relationships
during this time so they may be even better. If things are not
going so well, this is the time to use the utmost care to
improve your relationships. There are many tools to do this.
Talk, listen, forgive, surrender, get help, read, write, pray,
study. Look for ideas on this at

For those who are single and especially for those with no
community, this is the time to reach out to groups of like-
minded people. If you could find a group of like-minded people,
what would be the topic or idea or cause or hobby they would be
gathered around? Would it be reading, or sports, or movies, or
personal growth, or spirituality?

Whatever the topic maybe, find this group of people. And as
uncomfortable as it may be, go be with them. You will be amazed
at how welcoming they will be, especially at this time of the

Happy, peaceful holidays to you!

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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