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11 Rules of Good Communication

Here are the basic rules of good communication:

1. The speaker can say what he or she thinks needs to be said,
except for derogatory statements, make-wrongs, shaming words,
blaming words, globalizing words. Nothing to inflame the
conversation. Just facts, feelings and thoughts, true and honest.

2. The listener listens to what is being said, fully - even
when having a reaction. Breathing through the reactions, giving
the speaker the respect of being listened to.

3. When the speaker is done, the listener will reflect back
to the speaker a summarized version of what the speaker said, to
make sure the speaker is fully understood.

4. The speaker will take this opportunity to further clarify
what he or she said and meant to say and the conversation
goal(s).

5. If the speaker provided new information, the listener will
come back with a summarized version of what the speaker said,
to make sure the speaker is fully understood.

6. Now the listener gets to switch roles with the speaker. The
new speaker now speaks freely, truly and honestly, but
carefully.

7. The new listener gets to listen fully and later summarize
what the speaker said and so on.

8. Take turns until both of you feel resolved about the topic
of the original conversation. Don't end the conversation until
both of you feel resolved - don't give up on what you want,
need, feel, etc.

9. If tempers do flare, voices get raised, things are said
that should not be said, take a break.

10. Later, when both of you are cooled off, apologize to each
other.

11. If need be, schedule a time to have this conversation again,
and work through the steps again to resolution.


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