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Whom Do You Need?

You need to know whom you are looking for in order to end up in
a relationship that will make you happy for a lifetime. Any
reasonably attractive and interesting person can make you happy
for a few days or weeks. But not just anyone will make you happy
in a long-term relationship. To be happy in a long-term
relationship, you need to end up with a person who can give you
what you need.

Human beings, although infinitely complex and different, are at
the same time amazingly simple and predictable. If you believe
Maslow's hierarchy of needs, after the human need for food,
water, shelter and security are met, the need for love arises.

Most of us want and need romantic love. On a basic level your
need for how romantic love is given is similar to the way other
human beings need it, or at least to the way most people in
western and westernized cultures understand, express, and receive
love. If you are to be genuinely happy in a relationship, not
grinning and bearing it, not making the best of it, but
genuinely,soul-satisfyingly happy, some essential needs must be
met by your partner - and you need to figure out what these are
for you.

Make a list of traits that you need in a mate and make sure that
people you date match the traits on your list. Because we all
basically need the same things from relationships, it is not as
difficult as it might seem to meet other people who need similar
things as you and are willing to provide for what you need. So
why work on figuring out exactly whom you are looking for?

You want to make the process of selecting a partner as
conscious as possible for one simple but critical reason. If you
choose a partner without consciously deciding on whom you want
and without consciously looking at whom you are choosing, you
are virtually guaranteed to choose a partner who will match the
relationship patterns established in your childhood. Given that
so many people in the last couple of generations ended up
absorbing a fairly dysfunctional relationship patterns
during their childhood, you are almost certain to be drawn
to and attract a partner who will break your heart.

Of course, if you do choose badly you have the consolation
that, in the process of the heartbreak, you will have the
opportunity to heal and work on whatever issues you need to
resolve from your childhood. You will grow, mature and become a
better person. But there are easier, gentler ways to grow. If
you learn how to consciously choose a compatible partner you can
have love and happiness, which will gently support your growth,
maturation and development.

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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