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How to See People Clearly

Today's article is a excerpt from Lesson 1 of the Whom Are You
Dating eClass:

One of the primary reasons it is so difficult for most people
to see others clearly is that the person seeing is in the way of
being able to see the person being seen. Let me give you an
example of this.

Let's say you are on a first date with someone you met on the
Internet. The two of you have corresponded quite a bit, and
spent some time on the phone. You like this person and are very
exited about meeting him or her. This one may be the
are almost sure this is the one. You have been lonely and you
very much want a relationship.

Do you think you will see your date clearly? Not a chance. Your
built-up expectations, your impressions from interactions over
the phone and email, and your own desire to be in a relationship
will get in the way. Your hope that this person is the one will
inevitably affect what you see in him or her. If by some chance
you do penetrate through the excitement of the first date to see
glimpses of the real person, you will likely ignore what you are
seeing in order to live out the fantasy you have created in your

The key to being able to see people clearly is to put yourself
aside completely, to get out of the way completely. I don't mean
that you go on a date and only let the other person talk, or
that you hide yourself. I do mean that in order to see people
clearly you will need to learn how to silence your internal
dialogue, handling your expectations and fears, self-limiting
beliefs and needs and fantasies.

You may not even think you have any internal dialogue,
expectations, fears, self-limiting beliefs or needs and
fantasies. Understand that all of us have an internal dialogue
running all the time-it's how we process all the experiences the
world sends us. In that dialogue life stressors, self-esteem
issues and negative self-talk, expectations and fears, self-
limiting beliefs, needs and fantasies play a large part all of
the time. It's a part of human experience. This is why
meditation and prayer are staples of all major religions - they
are spiritual methods of guiding that internal dialogue and
helping us be less preoccupied so that we may be present to the

To silence your internal dialogue may seem like a daunting
task, one you may not think you need to do or want to do. I
assure you, you will not be able to get to know or see people
clearly without learning how to get out of the way. Well, how
do you do that?

Here is one key. As your internal dialogue is an internal
process, and you are bigger than your internal experiences and
processes, you can be the master of it. You can learn how to
turn down the volume inside your head and how to have peace.
This is a learned skill that comes with understanding of your
self, your internal dynamics and with practice. The specific
actions to do this are beyond the scope of this article, but are
contained in the Whom Are You Dating eClass, Lesson 1.

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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