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How to Get More from Your Partner

Many couples go through struggles, fights, problems, issues and
almost get to the brink of a break-up or divorce. Yet they love
each other, or they are attached to each other, or they have to
stay together for some outside reason, or they are not ready to
give up on what may be a great relationship, or all of the above.

This is a good thing--it's good to keep trying to make love work.

But how do you survive the in-between time, when things are not
yet working exactly and yet both of you are trying? How do you
hang in there while both of you work to get it right?

Try the practice of Acceptance. Acceptance, as a concept and
practice, may be a powerful answer to the "in-between" time

The type of acceptance I am referring to is about learning to
be at peace with how things are at the moment. It is coming to
believe and understand that the things you want the most may
come. But if they do not, perhaps they were not meant to be in
your life, and if so then there is something better, or
something more purposeful, or perhaps something to learn in what
does come to pass.

This is a spiritual concept, one most often espoused in
Buddhist teachings; but it is also a part of most religious and
spiritual disciplines.

If you can achieve this kind of acceptance, you can learn to be
present in the moment in your relationship. You can learn to be
with how things are right now, without desperately wanting them
to be different.

In the process of doing this, your relationship situation may
become what you wanted in the first place. On the other hand, it
may not -- but you may simply have a peaceful, satisfying life.

How do you achieve acceptance?

1. Face your greatest fears about the relationship:
· Face your greatest fear about the relationship
· Face your greatest wants and desires for the relationship
· Face the feelings of possibly not having what you want
· Face the feelings of losing the relationship
· Face your fear of disappointment and heartache

In facing your fears, you will confront those worst possible
scenarios which, when they are not faced, make it hard to be in
the in-between time of waiting for the relationship to work.
Facing the possibilities you fear will give you peace.

2. If you can, come up with a strategy of what you will do if
you greatest fears come true. This can be a loose strategy or a
detailed one - choose a strategy that gives you comfort and

3. Make sure you communicate clearly with each other about what
you want and expect in the relationship. Next, make sure that
you both know what each one of you is agreeing to work to
achieve. This should give you a measure of peace, as you will
know what you may expect of the future if all turns out as

4. Practice a spiritual discipline, whether that be meditation,
prayer, communing with nature, sitting quietly, going to church,
etc. What you will be seeking is training in how to be with what
IS now when it's not what you want, not what you hoped for, not
what you would choose for yourself. Learning to be with
what IS will teach you how to have peace in any circumstance.

5. In achieving peace, at least some of the time, you will have
naturally achieved acceptance of the state of your relationship
as it is now. Although acceptance is not a guaranteed way to
help your relationship turn around or to make sure your
relationship works out right, it can be of great help to both of
you. It will make the process of growth and life easier.

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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