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Red Flags Now, Problems Later

You know what a red flag is, right? That's a trait or a
behavior in a person you are newly dating that indicates that
not all is right with his/her ability to have a relationship
with you.

Many singles ignore red flags in hopes that the problems and
issues, whatever they are, will go away once the relationship
grows and the two people fall in love.

This is partially correct. Issues and red flags do get better
in the initial stages of relationship. People take better care
of themselves and their lives. They clean their house where
there was once a mess. They use deodorant where once there was
none. They comb their hair or get a job or pay the bills on time
or vacuum their car.

And yet, even if a red flag issue or behavior disappears for a
time, it is bound to reappear at some point down the road, deep
into the relationship and the stress of life. If it's a red flag
for you now, imagine how it will feel when you wake up one day,
long into a relationship, and have this same issue or problem
rear its ugly head.

Ok, so is the answer to only date perfect people who don't have
any "red flag issues"? Nope, because there are no perfect people
and everyone has issues.

The question is, if all of the issues remained unchanged,
exactly as they are now, would you choose this person? If the
person remained a slob, or was not generous, or did not give you
enough attention, or didn't work, or had intimacy problems,
would you choose this person?

Choosing a relationship partner is choosing a companion, and
hopefully a good one, with whom you will share love and life.
But it is also choosing which quirks and issues you are willing
to live with.

If you choose a person but don't choose or accept his quirks
and issue, you will have a major problem down the road. The
seemingly minor quirk or issue will eventually drive a wedge
between the two of you that may very well end your relationship.

What's a single person to do? Find out what the person you are
dating has in the way of quirks, by talking and listening,
watching to see how he or she deals with everyday situations as
well as crises, and spending time together. Then imagine living
with these quirks. Could you do it, or would these quirks or
problems drive you crazy?

If the love of your life can't keep a job, or has trouble
staying close emotionally, or mismanages money, or can't keep
promises, or isn't interested in physical intimacy after a long
while into the relationship, or is a slob, or etc, etc, etc..can
you live with it? Be honest in your answers to yourself,
because, as I said, small issues have the potential of
destroying a relationship down the road.

However, if you are dating someone whom you want to keep and he
or she does have issue or quirks that you know you can't live
with, you do have one other option to salvage the relationship.
You can ask the person to change. But that is a topic for
another newsletter, or perhaps an eclass.

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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