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How to Get More from Your Partner

How easily do you get what you want from your partner? And how
easy is it for you to ask for what you want or need?

Perhaps you haven't worked up the courage to actually make the
request you want to make. Or perhaps you've made several
requests, but still find your needs unmet. If you're frustrated
because you seem unable to get what you want and what you ask
for, you're not alone.

This happens in all types of relationships, including intimate
and dating relationships, family, friendships and work
relationships. I'll focus on intimate relationships in this
article; however, if you are having a problem getting what you
want in any relationship, the information below will be useful
as well.

There are ten tricks to getting what you want in any
relationship. These tricks are not about manipulation, but
about presenting your needs clearly, effectively, and honestly.
Whenever possible, use these ten tricks to get what you want.
The more you practice, the better you will get at both asking
effectively and getting results.

1. It's ok to ask.
This is the first and most important trick. Understand that you
have the right to ask for anything you need or want, whether
it's an evening of help with childcare, help with the chores, an
investment in your personal growth, or a gift you want. Always,
always ask for what you want from anyone you want it from.

2. Be prepared to hear a "yes" or a "no."
One effective way to ask is to be prepared to hear either a
"yes" or a "no." This gives the person you are asking a true
choice. People like the freedom and power of being able to truly
choose. Ask this way and you are more likely to hear a "yes."

3. Never make a "no" wrong.
If you get a "no" to your request, be gracious. Anything but a
gracious reaction will mean you were making a demand instead of
a request. Demands are never responded to very well and are
always resisted. Make a "no" wrong and you are asking for more
"no's." Be gracious, and you will get a "yes" -- if not this
time, then in the future.

4. Have an alternative strategy.
You have the right to make a request and the person you are
making a request of has the right to say "no." This means, like
it or not, you need an alternative strategy for getting what you
want. If a person says "no," you can't somehow make him or her
do or give you what you want. You may simply need to employ an
alternative strategy, take care of your needs yourself, or just
plain do without the thing you wanted for now.

5. Assume that it would be a "yes" if...
Assume the person or people you are asking have your best
interests in mind. If you get a "no," assume the reasons for
your request are not clear. Assume that if your reasons were
known, your request would be granted. Make your reasons known,
gently.

6. Make the impact known.
How would a "yes" or a "no" impact you? Does the person you
are asking know the impact of a "yes" or a "no?" Small things
can have a profound impact. So get clear on the impact a
"yes" or a "no" will have on you. Share this information with
the person you are asking.

7. Honor his or her requests.
You're not the only one who wants to get what you want. Others
want to hear "yes" and have their needs met, too. If you
consistently give others what they want, you will get what you
want more often. The key is to give and do what someone
requests...not what you *think* they want. A word of caution
here - do not over-give to the point of where your giving
starts being taken for granted. Your relationships will suffer
if your contributions to them are under-appreciated.

8. Don't ever nag.
Nagging is a way of making the same request over and over in
order to wear the person down and force what you want. Nagging
might sometimes get you want in the short term. But it always
backfires because it creates intense anger in both the one being
nagged and the one doing the nagging. If you need to repeat a
request more than once, do so in the spirit of the ideas above.

9. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate.
When you get what you want, make a big deal out of it. The
giver just made you feel good, so return the favor. The more you
appreciate, the more the other person will want to give to you
and do for you. In fact, even if you do not feel appreciative,
act appreciative. After a while, you will begin to feel
appreciative.

10. Cure the, "I shouldn't have to ask you to do this" syndrome.
Ok, how much do you resent asking someone to do something they
should have known to do in the first place? Don't you get angry
at having to ask at all? In such cases, remember he or she is
not you, but a different person, with different standards and
priorities. What may be obvious or natural to you may be very
hard or may not even occur to another person. You do have to ask
to get what you want. Just do it gently, keeping in mind what we
have been talking about here.


(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"


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