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Mind Reading while Dating

For many people, dating is an exercise in mind reading. Do you
know what I mean?

When you are starting to date someone, isn't your mind busy
analyzing your date's every action? Does he like me? What does
she mean by that? Will he call again? Did I say the right thing
and will she take it wrong? Will he reject me or judge me? What
does he really feel? What does she want?


The funny thing is that most of us don't admit to believing in
psychics and mind readers, and yet we try to mind-read ourselves
when dating.

Mind reading seldom if ever works. It is simply not possible to
accurately interpret another person's actions, thoughts and
feelings without input from them. Mind reading can lead you down
the wrong road about your new relationship and will definitely
drive you crazy.

Are you ready to stop driving yourself crazy by trying to
figure out others' thoughts, feelings and emotions? Then it's
time to welcome a new life with fewer headaches, more sleep and
more pleasant dating through communication.


All you have to do is assume "it's not personal" and
communicate.



Assume it's not personal
------------------------


In mind reading, you would assume that another's actions are a
direct reflection of what the person thinks and feels about you.
The truth is that even when you are in a long-term relationship,
very little of your partner's actions have to do with you. This
is even more profoundly so in dating situations.


What the other person is doing or saying, or not doing or
saying, has very little to do with you and a lot to do with his
or her life experience, way of being and current circumstances.

If he or she is rigid or uncomfortable, it may have very little
to do with you. It could just as easily be because he or she
does not do first conversations well, or is feeling
unattractive, overwhelmed, anxious, etc. If he or she ends a
first date early, it could be that you were not the right person
or it could be that negative emotions just got the best of him
or her. Even if ultimately the person you went out with does not
choose to date you, that choice is about him or her and is not
a comment on your date-worthiness.



Communicate
-----------


In mind reading, you would respond to another according to your
interpretation of his or her actions. He or she would in turn
respond to you according to his or her interpretation of your
actions, and on and on and on.

Without mind reading and hence interpretation, the logical step
is to communicate. Ask questions. Share your feelings. Ask for
what you want. Expand your communication repertoire. As long as
you are gentle and respectful, you can say almost anything to
anyone without causing an adverse reaction.

Communicating instead of mind-reading will open the door to new
understandings and new connections. You will from time to time
meet someone who resists participating in an open and flowing
conversation, but this resistance is rooted in what's going on
in the other person's life and is not about you.

When you play the mind-reading game you set yourself up for
craziness and often for disappointment, resentment, fear and
anxiety. Once you stop playing the game, realize what's going on
with the other person is not personal, and start communicating,
you'll notice a dramatic change in your peace of mind and the
quality of your dating experience.


(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"


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