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The Gap Between Knowledge and Action

I have a friend who is exceptionally smart and very well versed
in the language of pop psychology. He is excellent at giving
advice and is almost always right on. The problem is, his
relationships don't work at all. Even though he knows many
theories about how relationships and people work, he does not
know how to or cannot apply the information to his own life.

There is a gap between what comes out of his mouth and
what shows up in his life. There is a gap between what his
relationship partners hear from him and what they experience
once in an intimate relationship with him.

Does this sound like you or someone you know? Does it sound
like you just a little bit?

Here is a secret. This sounds just like most of us. It is
easy to learn and understand and retain information. But to
change our behaviors according to the information we learned,
that is another problem entirely.

With behavior changes come feelings, memories, thoughts, and
more feelings. Then comes the voice in our head that says
something like, "I don't want to make changes," or, "It's too
much hassle," or, "It won't work anyway -- I won't get what I

Here is an even worse one, experienced by my friend. He knows a
lot about people's problems, patterns, and issues. But,
he cannot see the same problems, patterns, and issues in his own
behavior. Not that he doesn't want to or would not want to see;
but that he simply does not.

Ok, so what do you do when you read, in this newsletter for
example, about some change or shift to implement in
relationships. What do you do if it sounds like great advice
but seems too hard to do? Or what do you do when it sounds like
great advice for a friend, yet people have repeatedly told you
that you need to take this same advice yourself?

How do you go from knowledge to seeing what you need to change
about your relationship or dating patterns, behavior, etc., and
then actually changing it?

Ok, dare I say it...enroll in an eclass from me. No, wait,
that's self-promotion. :-)

But seriously, the trick is in this:

· Listen to feedback around you. If many people or the same
people keep repeating the same message about you, or if the
same message keeps showing up, take the hint. It's very likely
something you need to deal with.

· Walk your talk. Don't let something come out of your mouth
unless you are absolutely sure you are living the thing you are
speaking. This will force you to be more aware of how you are
living and force you to make changes that you ultimately want.

· Learn the same information over and over and over again. The
more you expose yourself to it, the deeper it will sink in.

· Finally, do more than read and listen to information. Find a
way to embody it, to bring it down through your body. One way
is writing about what you are learning. Another is by finding
ways to have another perspective on yourself, your
relationships or singlehood.

· Ok, are you ready? Here comes self promotion again. :-)
If you were to enroll in my eClasses, you would find they are
written to open up something inside you that was not open before.
The eClasses are designed to help you see into yourself and
create the change you want.

Bottom line -- it's your relationships. If you know a lot and
are great at giving advice, but your relationship or dating
experience leaves something to be desired, you need to bridge the
gap between information and action. Action is where growth is.
And growth always, always leads to more happiness.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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