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When to Get Relationship Help

In last week's article I shared how a recent experience
reminded me of some basic relationship lessons. One of those
lessons was to talk about what's going on with an outsider to
get a fresh perspective.

One reader, Jan, responded by saying, "From my experience,
friends don't know how to be objective when you want to bounce
relationship problems off them. It's a very rare friend who can
truly step aside and ask, 'How certain are you that's the best
action for you?'

Jan added that she doesn't think it's a good idea to seek
guidance from someone who has an emotional, personal investment
in you.

She is right in many ways. Although friendships are essential
to our well being and happiness, friends aren't always the best
source of impartial advice when it comes to relationships.
Friends and family often care too deeply to give impartial advice
or to listen in a way that can help us figure out what we need to
do.

I suggest you seek a relationship professional, such as therapist
or a coach as the outsider to help you through your relationship
stumbling blocks. When it comes to solving relationship
problems, changing behaviors, or learning new ways of being
single or in a relationship, professional help is simply
essential. Yet most people still resist getting that
professional support, as if getting help somehow means admitting
they are inadequate or not smart enough to figure it out
themselves.

Here is information you need to know:
----------------------------------------------
If you are single and can't seem to end up in
a good relationship; if you are dating, but can't seem to make
your relationship work right; if you are in a long-term
relationship that keeps leaving you frustrated or worse, you
need to get help from a relationship professional.

If, for example, you needed help figuring out the law, taxes,
or real estate, you wouldn't hesitate to find a professional. In
many ways, healthy relationship behaviors that will lead to
fulfilling relationships are as unknown to us as taxes, real
estate, and law. We are not educated on how to have good healthy
relationships. There aren't classes on relationships that
everyone is required to take in order to graduate from high
school or college. There are no relationship theory and practice
books as required reading during our formal education.

So when your relationship gets into trouble, as it almost
enviably will, how are you supposed to resolve that trouble
yourself if you simply don't know much about good
relationships? Your problem-solving skills are only as good as
the accurate information you have, and if your information is
missing or wrong, you will come up with the wrong answers --
more relationship choices that will leave you feeling unloved
and unhappy.

Yes, widely available relationship books and classes are a
great introduction and continued education on how to have a
healthy relationship. But the value of getting professional
relationship support goes much further than information.

A good relationship therapist or a coach will see behaviors,
patterns, beliefs and choices you live and make, of which you
are not aware and which lead you to relationships you don't want
to be in. A good therapist or coach will lead you to figure
these out for yourself and learn workable, healthy alternatives
to ultimately give you what you want -- true love.

Perhaps if the word therapy did not have such a stigma attached
to it more people would get relationship support. Perhaps if
coaching weren't called coaching more people would get support
from a relationship coach. Let's call both of these relationship
education, with the professionals being called relationship
educators.

A word of caution: Just like any other professional, not all
therapists and coaches are a good fit for you or your
relationship education needs. Be sure to extensively interview
professionals, and try them out to see if they can do the kind
of work you want and need to do. The good news is that now most
health insurance covers therapy, and coaching -- although
expensive -- can often be effective quite rapidly.

I am suggesting that if you truly want to have a lifelong,
happy, healthy relationship, you need to get educated by a
professional relationship educator -- frequently and well. Then
supplement personal education with other material, such as
books, classes and seminars.

Look for more information in my upcoming e-book, "Getting
Professional Relationship Help: When and How to Choose a
Relationship Therapist or Coach."

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries


(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"


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