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The Mind Reading Game

For many people, dating and relationships are a practice in
mind reading. When you start dating someone, isn't your
mind often busy analyzing your date's every action: Does
she like me? What does he mean by that? Will he call again?
Did I say the right thing and will he take it wrong? Will she
reject me or judge me?

In a long-term relationship, the tendency to mind read can
become even worse. Will she nag me when I get home?
Will he listen to what I have to say? What does he really feel?
What does she want?

The funny thing is that most of us don't admit to believing in
psychics and mind readers, and yet we try to practice mind
reading in our relationships.

Mind reading seldom if ever works. It is simply not possible to
accurately interpret another person's actions, thoughts, and
feelings without input from them. This is true no matter how
well we think we know a person. Mind reading damages
relationships. How?

While you and/or your partner are busy trying to figure
out each other, the real people with real needs get neglected.
People don't communicate, don't ask what the other person
wants, needs, means when they mind read. Assumptions are
made and upon these false assumptions, actions and decisions
are taken. Imagine the mess in your relationship, if you make
key decisions, such as to stay or leave, or to relocate, move in
together, have a child, etc., based on assumptions. People
do this daily in their relationships.

Are you ready to stop trying to figure out the thoughts, feelings
and intentions of others, and instead find out exactly what your
partner thinks, feels and intends?

Assume it's not personal

First, in mind reading, you would assume that another's
actions are a direct reflection of what the person thinks and
feels about you. The truth is that even when you are in a
long-term relationship, only some of your partner's actions
have to do with you. This is even more profoundly true in
dating situations.

What the other person is doing or saying, or not doing or
saying, has a lot to do with his or her life experience, way
of being and current circumstances.

In other words, it's safe to assume that a situation is not
about you and is not intended to have an impact on you,
unless your partner specifically tells you otherwise.

This way you can spare yourself hurt feelings and much
wasted time wondering about and interpreting situations.


In mind reading, you would respond to another according to your
interpretation of his or her actions. He or she would in turn
respond to you according to his or her interpretation of your
actions, and on, and on, and on.

Without mind reading and hence without interpretation, the logical
step is to communicate. Ask questions. Share your feelings. Ask for
what you want. Set boundaries. Expand your communication
repertoire. As long as you are gentle and respectful, you can
say almost anything to anyone without causing an adverse

Communicating with your partner may be difficult. Yet
communication creates intimacy, which is why you want
a relationship in the first place.

Once you stop playing the mind reading game, realize that what's
going on with the other person is not personal, and start
communicating, you'll notice a dramatic change in the quality of
your relationship.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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