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Thriving on Valentine's Day

The commercialism associated with Valentine's Day can wreak
havoc on singles and couples alike. For couples, Valentine's Day
can be full of unrealistic, unnecessary expectations and
disappointment. And singles usually see the holiday as an
unpleasant reminder of their relationship status and the sadness
and disappointment of being alone.

Below are my suggestions to help you survive Valentine's Day.
I'll first offer tips for those of you in relationships,
categorized by those in a relationship going well and those in a
relationship going poorly. Then I'll offer some tips for singles.

How to Survive Valentine's Day When You're in a Relationship

People in relationships often feel pressured and anxious about
giving just the right gift. Valentine's Day expectations can run
high in a relationship. If the gift isn't just right, the
receiver may feel unloved and the giver may wind up "in the

How fun will your Valentine's Day be if you are disappointed
with your partner and his or her gift? How special will the day
be for the two of you if your partner spend the whole time
feeling badly?

If you are in a relationship and you want to bring closeness,
joy, and intimacy to your Valentine's Day, I suggest an
adjustment in expectations and attitude.

If Your Relationship is Going Well:
If your relationship is going well, does it really matter what
happens on Valentine's Day? Maybe something sweet, fun, and
loving is enough?

Does it matter if you go out for a romantic dinner or if you
have a candlelight dinner at home? As long as you do something
for each other, consider your Valentine's Day to be a success.

On the other hand, if you really want something special, give
strong hints to your partner and let him or her know how much
you REALLY want that certain something. This way you set him or
her up to win by giving you what you want. Don't secretly hope
for something and expect to get it unless you are sure your
partner knows you are secretly hoping for it.

Mostly, make sure it's a day or evening the two of you spend
enjoying each other.

If Your Relationship is Going Poorly:
If your relationship is not going well, Valentine's Day is
probably not going to save it, no matter how special you try to
make the day. In fact, if your relationship is in trouble, high
expectations may be the last nail in the coffin of your

In this case, it is even more important to communicate clearly
what you want and what you expect. The more discord in a
relationship, the less likely your partner will be tuned into
you and know what you want.

The key here is to stop having expectations that Valentine's
Day will turn your relationship around, and instead see it as an
opportunity to express to your partner how much YOU care.

How to Survive Valentine's Day When You're Single

Instead of spending the day being sad about not having a
relationship or ignoring the day completely, do something
powerful for your relationship future.

I have to warn you that the exercise I am about to detail here
will sound silly, pointless, and hard to execute. However, it is
truly worth the effort.

But before I explain the exercise, let me tell you why it will
be worth the effort. This exercise will allow you to experience
true, healthy love. If your history is strewn with broken
relationships, you have seldom, if ever, experienced true,
healthy love. Experiencing it will give you the ability to
recognize someone capable of it, and will give you the power to
attract it.


Go to Hallmark or some other fancy card store today or tomorrow
and buy a few very nice cards -- the kind you would love to get
from an intimate partner. Go home, take out the cards and a nice
pen, and start writing Valentine's messages to yourself. The key
is to write as if a wonderful, caring, generous relationship
partner is writing to you. Although you don't have such a
partner right now, I'm sure you know just what you'd like to
hear. Write exactly that. Write what you most want to hear from
someone who loves you. Go overboard with compliments and praise
and words of love. Seal the cards and put your name on the
envelope. Maybe even draw something on the envelope. Put the
cards in different places around the house to be found and
opened on Valentine's Day.

When you open the cards on Valentine's Day, do not discount
what you've written to yourself. It may not be from a current
lover; however, it is from someone who loves you -- YOU. The
more you allow yourself to feel love, even self-love, the more
likely you are to attract true love into your life.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries

(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"

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