|The Seven+ Signs You Should Run (not walk) from Your Partner
Perhaps a more appropriate title for today's article is,
"Seven+ Signs You Should Run (not walk) from Your Partner in the
Beginning Stages of the Relationship," or "Seven+ Signs You
Should Postpone Your Wedding, " or "Seven+ Signs You Should Get
Relationship Help for Your Marriage or Long-Term Relationship."
The relationship questions readers ask most frequently are
all basically the same. First they'll explain certain
undesirable behaviors their partners are displaying. Then
they'll ask whether they should tolerate this behavior, or
whether they are making too big an issue of it.
There are, in fact, certain behaviors which should not be
tolerated in a relationship because they damage and will
eventually destroy the relationship.
If you are in a brand new relationship and your partner
exhibits one or some of the behaviors below, you may want to
consider walking away. If you stay, you may be getting much more
trouble, headache, and heartache then you bargained for.
If you are in a committed relationship and are invested in
staying, or if you are planning to get engaged or married soon
and some of these behaviors show up, try to work through them.
Since you have already invested time, effort, and your heart
into the relationship, the relationship may be strong enough to
withstand the necessary change. But hold off on making a deeper
commitment to each other until the issues are resolved.
Commitment and marriage tend to make issues worse rather than
Finally, if you are married, you probably want to do everything
possible to save your marriage. If the two of you are dealing
with any of the issues below, the most effective way of
overcoming them is with outside expert help.
1. Excessive Flirtation
People in committed relationships, even in early committed
relationships, should not be flirting with others in a way that
makes their partner uncomfortable. Here is the measuring stick:
your partner tells you about the flirting or you witness your
partner flirting and neither of you flinches - the flirtation is ok.
Otherwise it is not and you should be rightly bothered.
This is of course assuming that you are not overly insecure and
you do not view *any* interaction your partner has with others
2. Girl/boy watching
Some discreet girl/boy watching may occasionally be ok. But
when it is blatant and intrusive, it becomes a relationship
You are not too sensitive if this bothers you. You should not
learn to get over this and you should not learn to tolerate this
Unless you have a workable open-marriage agreement with your
partner, you absolutely should not tolerate infidelity. There is
simply no excuse for it. Alcohol, loneliness, anger, etc., are
not good reasons to get involved with other people when you are
in a relationship.
4. Is in another relationship already
Ok, I know people get involved with those who are already in
other relationships with the hope they will win and the other
relationship will end. But in reality this seldom happens.
If you are involved in this kind of a relationship, perhaps
it's time to give your partner an ultimatum. Set a drop-the-
relationship-date, by which you partner will willingly release
the other relationship or you.
5. Contact of a romantic nature from other people
Why would someone in a relationship be getting phone calls,
mail or e-mail of a romantic nature from other people? And why
would the other person in the relationship tolerate this?
I think often it is because the partner somehow does not place
responsibly for what's happening where it belongs -- squarely on
the shoulders of the person who is receiving the communication.
If communication is ongoing, it is not accidental or
victimization; it is invited and your partner is getting
something out of it. To avoid a surge of feedback from those of
you who may disagree with this point, let me say that there are
now many easy ways to block unwanted communication, both on
regular phones, cell phones, and e-mail.
You are not too sensitive to feel threatened and to wonder if
you are about to lose the relationship or be cheated on. Both
may happen next.
Almost everyone has a frustrated moment, day, or even a week.
Life can get very hectic and stressful at times. But, if your
partner is reactive or angry most of the time, for an extended
period of time, this may just be the way he or she is.
If the two of you have repeatedly tried to problem-solve and
yet nothing seems to cool the reactiveness and anger, you may
want to ask yourself if you want this on ongoing basis.
7. Says everything is your fault
Every relationship has issues or problems that need to be
discussed. For some this happens sooner then later. But make no
mistake -- this happens in every relationship. In fact, problems
are an inherent part of being in a relationship, so nothing is
wrong when something is wrong.
However, if your partner categorically refuses to acknowledge
and deal with his or her contribution to the problem and instead
says in one way or another it's all your fault, you have a
serious problem on your hands. How will you move on and build a
deeper relationship if your current problems cannot be resolved?
You are not pushy to ask your partner to deal with what needs
to be dealt with. You have every right to ask for an active
partner in a relationship.
Do you want more? The title of the article is Seven+ reasons
because I have found there are actually 14 good reasons to walk
away from the relationship or to do some rapid relationship fixing.
Want the other 7? They are only available as a download to
subscribers of the RCN Plus - the premium version of the
Relationship Coach Newsletter. Subscribe now.
Your Relationship Coach,
(c) Rinatta Paries. Do you know how to attract your ideal mate? Do you know how to build a fulfilling relationship, or how to reinvent yours to meet your needs? Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries can teach you the skills and techniques to attract and sustain long-term, healthy partnerships. Visit www.WhatItTakes.com where you'll find quizzes, classes, advice and a free weekly ezine. Become a "true love magnet(tm)!"
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